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Things That Really Piss Me Off
Post by Lithe on Jun 29th, 2006, 12:50pm

Warning, following passage will contain explicit text that should not be viewed by small children, people that are easily offended and ones who wish to take on a political career. This is not random whining, I want to prove a point.
Please note that I am speaking to the standard American in general.

Ya know, i've been here all this time and I havent been complaining about anything recently so I think its about time I shared something about an issue thats been bugging me for quite some time. Believe me, I don't have pet peeves. I have major psychotic hatreds. The following is just a series of things (concerning the US government ofcourse) that are pissing me off, and I find it makes the world alot easier to sort out.

Fist thing on my list tonight, airport security. Tired of this *censored*. Theres too much of it. There is too much security at the airports. Im tired of some guy with a double digit IQ and a quadrouple digit income, rooting around in my bag for no reason and never finding anything! Haven't found a bomb yet? In anybody's bags! Haven't found ONE bomb in ONE bag!

And dont tell me "Well the terrorist know they're gonna have their bags searched so now their leaving the bombs at home." THERE ARE NO BOMBS. The whole thing is *censored*in' pointless! And, its completely without logic.

They'll take away a gun but let you keep a knife! Well what the *censored* is thathuh! In fact, there is a whole list of lethal items they will allow you to carry onboard. *lists off fingers* Theoretically, you could take a knife, an icepick, a hatchet, a straigt razor, a pair of scissors, a chainsaw, six knitting needles and a broken whiskey bottle and all they will say is "That bag has to fit all the way under the seat in front of you!"

And if you didn't bring a weapon onboard, relax. After about an hour of flying, they are going to bring you a knife and fork. They actually GIVE you a *censored*ing knife! Its only a table knife sure, but you could kill a pilot with a table knife... if you were dedicated enough to the task at hand! And let me tell you, muslim extremists don't *censored* around...

But you could get the job done! Hell, theres alot of things you can kill a guy with, you could probably beat someone to death with a copy of the Sunday New York Times! or suppose you just had really big hands? So why do they allow a guy with big powerful hands to board an air plane? Easy. They know he's not a security threat because hes already answered the "Three Big Questions".

Question #1: Did you pack you're bags yourself?


Pop'n Fresh packed my bags. Him, Martha Steward and the artist formerly known as The Artist formerly known as Prince came to my house the night before the trip. They fixed me a lovely lobster newberg, gave me a full body massage with sacred oils from India, and preformed a shortened version of the boradway musical, Cats, before tiping the 12-gallon hats they wore at my adorable pet cat and then packing my bags.

Next question.

Question #2: Have you're bags been in you're posession the whole time?


Usually, the night before I travel anywhere by plane, I get my bags and leave them on the street corner unattended for several hours... Just for good luck.

Next. Question.

Question #3: Has any unknown person asked you to take anything onboard?

Hmm...What exactly is an unknown person?

Surely everyone is known to someone!? Why, just this morning I heard Chemical Ali and Saddam Hussein joking about which one of my bags was heavier. They seemed to know each other quite well. *rolls eyes*

Thats another thing they don't like at the air port. Jokes. Yeah, ya know, "You cant joke about a bomb!". Why does it have to be just jokes? How about a riddle? A limerick? Howbout a bomb anecdote? Ya'know no punchline, just a really cute story. Or suppose you intende dthe remakr, not as a joke, but as an ironic musing. Are they prepared to make that distinction? I think not.

And besides, who's to say whats funny? Airport security is a stupid idea, a waste of money and its only there for one reason. To make the coughgullible I meant good citizens of America feel safe. Thats all. The Illusion. The feeling and illusion of safety, to placate the middle class. Another one of the reasons why I hate America, folks. They do this because the authorities knoow that they can never make airplanes completely safe, too many people have access. The drug smugglers don't seem to have a hard time trafficking black-tar heroine in and out of the country, do they? No. Why? Because its all an illusion!

Even if they made all the airplanes completely safe, the terrorists would just go bomb other places that are crowded, like *censored*shops crackhouses, titty bars and gangbangs. Y'know, typical American entertainemnt venues. Face it, the chances of you getting kille dby a terrorist are practically ZERO!

Relax! Enjoy the show! You have to be a realist. You have to be realistic to whats around you. Jewish funCensored etalists, Muslim fundamentalists, Christian fundamentalists and just plain guys from Montana are going to continue to make life veeeery interesting. Armed men on combat fatigues talking to God on a two-way radio, muttering incoherent slogans about freedom are eventually gonna provide us with quite a bit of "excitement" in the near future. Especially when you're stupid *censored*in' economy crahses all around you and terrorists start coming out of the woodwork, Anthrax is in the water supply and there's Seran gas in the air conditioners and there will eb chemical and biological suitcase bombs in every city.

Surprising that this will most likely be brought about by Americans that never take a *censored*in' chance. I say enjoy what you've got because its only a matter of time before Bush with the help of Cheney and the rest of the Bush Administration to royally *censored* everything else up, but U shouldn't be blaming the regular American, they were ofcourse the ones broght up with rigid ideals and a single minded drive to "succeed" in what is actually help serve and sate the greed of you're corporate masters! I say take a *censored*ing chance!

As far as im concerned, all this airport security, all the searching, the questions, the screening, the hasstle... is jsut one more way of reducing you're liberty and reminding you that they can *censored* with you any time they want! As long as you put up with it, which of course means any time they want. That's what Americans do now. They are always willing to trade away a little freedom for the feeling, the illusion, of security. It makes me sick.
Re: My Bone To Pick With Airport Security
Post by ih8u2 b lazee on Jun 29th, 2006, 3:32pm

Although airport security is retarded and ineffective, if america announced, "we no longer have any security in our airports," we would all be dead. I think they should target suspicious people instead of the random selection thing. For every person randomly selected, twenty terrorists could get through. I don't see how that system works.
Re: My Bone To Pick With Airport Security
Post by TTEchidna on Jun 29th, 2006, 4:23pm

My grandpa was actually a circuit court judge back in his younger days.

What'd they do?

They asked him to take off his shoes to make sure there weren't any bombs.

He was a public servant for years! Why would he, of all people, have bombs!?

Of course it's so the government doesn't seem racist. Pah, it already is, or at least encourages it. Look at the census, the SAT tests, all of that.

"Please tell us what you consider your race to be."

It's bull. Completely. All it's telling you to do is consider yourself not an American, but someone from somewhere else.

I was born here. I'm not "white," I'm European-American. And that's completely thrown out the window because I have Native American ancestors.

But of course, you HAVE TO FILL IT IN. The government'll keep doing it because every race fears each other. Hell, the three major ones here are constantly involved in problems because they all learn that anyone who's not like you is evil and deserves to die.

And I might sound a bit racist here, but really, if you consider yourself to be a race above what you really are-- A PERSON-- you shouldn't be here.

And sadly, the only American culture there is is the shared xenophobia.
Re: My Bone To Pick With Airport Security
Post by ih8u2 b lazee on Jun 29th, 2006, 5:19pm

on Jun 29th, 2006, 4:23pm, Time Travelling Echidna wrote:
But of course, you HAVE TO FILL IT IN. The government'll keep doing it because every race fears each other. Hell, the three major ones here are constantly involved in problems because they all learn that anyone who's not like you is evil and deserves to die.

Wow, that's a little extreme. But racial profiling in airports still wouldn't end the threat. Security can't ever be perfect, so any way you slice it, security may always be a hassle.
Re: My Bone To Pick With Airport Security
Post by Lithe on Jun 30th, 2006, 06:53am

The way I see it, every time you are exposed to advertising in America, I am reminded that the country's most profitable buisness is still the manufacture, packaging, distributiona nd marketing of bullCensored . High-quality, grade A, prime-cut, pure American bullCensored .

And the sad part is that some people believe that bullCensored only comes from certain predictable sources. Advertising, politics, salesman, lawyers... not true. BullCensored is everywhere. BullCensored is rampant! Politicians are full of Censored , teachers are full of Censored , clergymen are full of Censored , and law enforcement is full of Censored . The entire country is completely full of Censored , and always has been!

From the decleration of Independence to the constitution to the star spangled banner, it's really nothing more than a huge steaming pile of govornmental, red-white-blue all-American bullCensored !

Think of how it started! America was founded by slave owners, who told us all men are created equal... all MEN except Indians, African-americans and women. Remember the founders were a small group of unelected, all-male white land-owning slave-drivers who also, by the way, proposed that their class be the only one allowed to vote! To me, that is known as being stunningly, and embarrasingly full of Censored ... And everybody bought it. All Americans bought it.

And those same Americans continue to show their ignorance about all this nonsense with wanting politicians to be honest. What are these cretins thinking? Do they realize what they're wishing for? If honesty was suddenly introduced into American life, everything would collapse! It would destroy this country because the entire system is based on an intricately and delecately balanced web of lies. And deep down, somehow I think Americans understand this. Thats why they elected and re-elected George W. Bush, because given a choice, Americans prefer their to feel safe and not give a Censored about anyone else other than themselves!

It's the same in buisness now. Everyone know sthat buisnessmen are completely full of Censored . Just the worst, low-life criminal jerk-offs you can expect to meet. And the proof is, they don't even trust each-other! When a buisnessman sits down to negotiate with another buisnessman, the first thing he does is to assume the other guy is a complete lying prick, who's trying to Censored him out of his money, so he does everything he can do do the same to the guy hes negotiating with. And all this is done with a big smile on his face. That big, convincing, buisnessman, bullCensored smile.

Though, Ive got to tell you, in the bullCensored department a buisnessman can't hold a candle to a clergyman. Because when it comes to bullCensored , big-time major-league bullCensored , you hae to stare in awe, in AWE, at the all-ime champion of false promises and exaggerated claims, religion. (Religion in general. No belief specified.) No contest. Religion easily has the greatest bullCensored story ever told. Think about it.

Religion has actually convinced people, many of them adults, that there's an invisible man who lives in the sky and watches everythign we do, every minute of every day, and has a special list of ten things he dosen't want you to do! And if you do any of these ten things, he has a special place for you that has smoke and burning and torture and anguish where he will send you nwhen you die to scream and burn and choke and suffer for ever and ever, 'till the end of time... but he loves you! He loves you and he needs money! He always needs money. He's all-powerful, all-perfect, all-knowing and all-wise... Somehow he jsut can't handle money.

Religion takes in billions of dollars, pays no taxes, and somehow, they always need a little more. Now, you're talking about a good bullCensored story!... Holy Censored ! Oh and by the way, im an Atheist.
Re: My Bone To Pick With Airport Security
Post by ih8u21 on Jun 30th, 2006, 07:20am

You take the gold for ranting, Lithe. shocked
Re: Things That Really Piss Me Off
Post by Lithe on Jun 30th, 2006, 3:56pm

Thank you.

Now this next rant will be concerned with, once more, the airport, and the imperfectness of the English language. Needless to say, i'll be dissecting bad grammar like Minerva with a scimitar.


What the two things stated above have in common, is while flying on the air lines, you hear the announcemements that come over the PA and try to pretend the thing you're hearing is really English.

Dosen't seem like it to me. The whole thing starts when you get to the gate. First announcement: "We would like to begin the boarding process." Extra word; process! Not necessary! Boarding is enough! We'd like to begin the boarding. Simple! Tells the story.

People add extra words when they want something to sound more important than they really are. Boarding process, sounds important... It isn't! It's just a bunch of people getting on a plane!

People like to sound important. Weathermen on television talk about "shower activity". Sounds more important that just "shower". I even heard one guy on CNN talk about a rain event! I swear to God, he said, "Louesianna is expecting a rain event!", and I thought 'Holy *censored* I hope I can get tickets to that!'

Emergency situation. People from the news like to say "The police have responded to an emergency situation!". No they haven't, they've responded to an emergency! We KNOW it's a situation! Everything is a situation! Anyway, as part of this "boarding process", they say, "We would like to pre-board." ... Well what exactly is that anyway?

What does it mean to pre-board? You get on before you get on?! Thats another complaint of mine, too much use of this pre-fix pre-! It's all over the language now! Pre-this! Pre-that! Place the turkey in a pre-heated oven! It's rediculus! There are only two states an oven can possibly exist in, HEATED OR UN-HEATED!. Pre-heated is a meaningless *censored*ing term!

It's like pre-recorded. "This programme was pre-recorded." Well OFCOURSE it was pre-recorded! When are ya gonna do it? AFTERWARDS!? That's the whole purpose of recording! To do it before-hand! Otherwise it dosen't really work, does it?! Pre-existing, pre-planning, pre-screening... You know what I tell these people!?

... And they seem to understand what i'm talking about.

Anyway, as part of this pre-boarding, they, "We would like to pre-board those passengers travelling with small children." ... Well what about those passengers travelling with large children!? Suppose you ahve a two year old with a petuitary disorder! Y'know, a six-foot infant with an oversized head?! Come to think of it, the kindof kids you see in the National Inquirer all the time.

At about this time someone is telling you to get on the plane... "Get on the plane, get on the plane!"


I SAY *censored* YOU, IM GETTING IN THE PLANE! IN THE PLANE! Let Evil Kinevel get ON the plane, im getting IN the plane! it seems much less windy in there!



They might tell you that you're on a non-stop flight... Well I don't care much for that. I insist my flight stop. Preferably at an airport. It's those unscheduled cornfield and middle-of-nowhere stops that seem to interrupt the flow of my day!

Oh boy... here's one they just made up. When two planes almost collide it's called a near-miss... IT'S A NEAR HIT! A collision is a near-miss. *HUGE*censored*INEXPLOSION* Look! They nearly missed! ... Yeah, they did... BUT NOT QUITE!

They also might tell you that you're flight has been delayed due to a change of equipment... Broken plane! And in-flight, "Sir, please move you're seat back forward." ... Well I don't bend that way! If I could put my seat back forward I'd be in p0rno movies! Then they mention carry-on luggage. First time I heard carrion I thought they would bring a dead deer on board! Why the hell do they need that!? What, don't they have those little TV dinners anymore!?

Then they keep changing the names on everything. For example, flight deck is just a new euphamism for C0CKPIT. I can't imagine why they wouldn't want to use such a colorful word such as C0CKPIT, can you? Especially since it has all those lovely stuardesses coming in and out of it all the time! There's another thing that's changed. First it was hostess, then it was stuardess and now its flight attendant. Ya know what I call 'em? "The lady on the plane." Sometimes it's a man on the plane. Okay, equallity.

Sometimes, they actually refer to these people as "Uniformed Crewmembers". Uniformed... as opposed to that fat guy sitting next to you in the "Grateful Dead" T-shirt and the "*censored* you!" hat! Who's working on his ninth little Pinha Colada I might add!
Re: Things That Really Piss Me Off
Post by ih8u2 b lazee on Jun 30th, 2006, 4:28pm

on Jun 30th, 2006, 3:56pm, Lithe wrote:
... You know what I tell these people!?

... And they seem to understand what i'm talking about.

XD! X*friggin*D! I'm sorry if this wasn't the reaction you were looking for, but your entire rant is HILARIOUS! This was just the funniest part.
Re: Things That Really Piss Me Off
Post by Lithe on Jun 30th, 2006, 11:11pm

No, im glad some people enjoyed it. i was initially afraid someone would jump down my throat for the reasons explained at the top of the thread.
Re: Things That Really Piss Me Off
Post by ih8u2 b lazee on Jul 1st, 2006, 12:04am

good. now i can laugh my head off. cheesy its a free country, say what you want, but don't go overboard, ya know. grin
Re: Things That Really Piss Me Off
Post by Lithe on Jul 14th, 2006, 09:42am

Well, me being an American, I feel I should stop complaining and must stick up for my country once in a while. It's a sense of in-born patriotism that compells me to do so, if it is even possible in this new American culture that has no shortage of things to complain about...

So, for the next few minutes I would like to talk about the War in Iraq. So called "War on Terror". Ever since governor Bush got sworn in, Americans never left somethign they didn't like alone and hoped someone else would fix it for them. And ever since governor Bush got sworn in, people just started declaring war on stuff. Something they don't like? Declare war on it! There's the War on Terror, the War on Iraq, War on Al Quaeda, War on Freedom, War on Crime, War on P0rn and the bigest joke of them all, the War on Drugs.

So now, they finally have someone else to fix those problems for them. The Military and Law Enforcement! And from my knowledge the US Marine Corps sits in Iraq, supposedly hunting Terrorists and abusing detainees. The Law Enforcement back home seem more focused on cute girls in mini-skirts than anything else.

And speaking of war, thats all we ever do now. It's a normal part of American life now! War is now televised and nine times out of ten gets good ratings! Well? We like war! We're a warlike people! We like war because we're good at it! You know why we're good at it? Because we get alot of practice! America is only 200 years old and we've already had 10 major wars! We average a major war every 20 years in this country so we're good at it! nd it's a good thing we are, 'cause we're not good at anything else anymore!

Eh? Cant build a decent car! Can't make a TV set or a VCR worth a Censored . Got no steel industry left! Can't educate our young people! Can't get healthcare to our old people! But we can BOMB the Censored out of you'r country alright!

*Explodey noises*

Especially if you'r country is full of brown people. We like that, dont we? That's something of a hobby! That's become our new job in the world; bombing brown people! Iraq, Panama, Grenada, Libya... You got some brown people in you'r country tell 'em to WATCH THE Censored OUT! Or well Censored BOMB them!

Well when's the last white people that we bombed? Can you remember the last white... remember ANY white people?! We've ever bombed!? The Germans, those are the only ones! And that was because they were trying to cut into our action! They wanted to dominate the world! BullCensored , THATS OUR Censored IN' JOB! THATS OUR Censored IN' JOB! *More explodey noises*
Re: Things That Really Piss Me Off
Post by Placid Dragon of Purgatory on Jul 14th, 2006, 12:14pm

Wow now thats entertaining very funny Lithe! You wanna know what grinds my gears? THERE'S NO ORIGINALITY IN MOVIES ANYMORE! I'm serious! Have you noticed that everthing nowadays in movies i sjust remakes! Such as.. Freaky Friday, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, The Omen, The Amityville Horror. And here's something that really gets me pissed, They are remakeing The Texas Chainsaw Massacre! How long has it been two years!? ORIGINALITY IS DEAD!!! AHHHHH! I had to get that out of my system.
Re: Things That Really Piss Me Off
Post by Lithe on Jul 14th, 2006, 12:50pm

Feel free to post you're own rants here. Although I have a little poem i'd like to post which should be a break form the profane rantings you have come to expect of me.

Seems the US is only there in he Middle East to "free the people so they can have industry." I think thats what they do now, do around "freeing" countries and lay a little industry on them so they can enjoy the same benefits that America has... *coughcough*



Oh beautiful for smoggy skies, insecticided grain,

For strip-mined mountains majesty, above the asphalt plain,

America, America, man sheds his waste on thee,

And hides the Pines with billboard sighns from sea to oily sea! *salutes with the American flag flowing in background* grin
Re: Things That Really Piss Me Off
Post by TTEchidna on Jul 15th, 2006, 01:30am

Yyyyyep. That's how it is.
Re: Things That Really Piss Me Off
Post by Lithe on Jul 15th, 2006, 03:01am

I agree Placid... King Kong, Superman... *trials off*

Anyway, I am an Atheist who supports the theory of evolution, though I was not always this way. One of the things that bugged me and eventually led to my realization would be the ten Commandments. Heres my problem: Why are there ten? You don't need ten. I think the list of Commandments was deliberately and artficially inflated to get it up to ten.

Here's what I would think as an accurate representation of what they did. About five thousand years ago, a bunch of religious and political hustlers got together to try and figure out how to controll people. How to keep them in line. They new people back then were basically stupid and would believe anything they were told, so they announced that God had given them some Commandments. Up on a mountain. When no one was around.

Let me ask you this. When they were sitting around making this sh*t up, why did they pick ten? Why not nine or eleven? Because ten sound official. ten sounds important. Ten is the basis for the decimal system. Its a psychologically satisfying number. The top ten, the ten most wanted, the ten best dressed... They knew if it was eleven people wouldn't take it seirously! "What are you kidding me? The eleven commandments!? Get the *censored* out of here!" So having ten commandments was actually a marketing decision! And to me its clearly a bullsh*t list, its a political doccument artificially infated to sell better. Im going to show you how you can reduce the number of commandments and come up with a list thats a little more workable and logical.

We're going to start with the first three, and i'll use the Roman Catholic version becuase it was the one I was brought up with...

I am the lord thy god thou shall not have strange gods before me...

Thou shall not take the name of the lord thy god in vain...

Thou shalt keep holy this sabath...

Right off the bat. The first three, complete bullsh*t! Strange gods, lords name, sabath day. Spooky language designed to scare and control primitive peoples. In no way does superstitions nonsense like this apply to the lvies of intellegent civilized humans in the twenty-first century. Throw out the first three and you'r down to seven. Next...

Thou shall honor thy father and mother...

Obedience. Respect for authority. Just another name for controlling people. The truth is, obedience and respect should be earned, not automatic and shoudl be based on the parents preformance. Some parents deserve respect, most of them dont... You'r down to six.

Now, in the interest of logic, something religion is very uncomfortable with, we're going to jump around the list a little bit.

Thou shalt not steal...

Thou shalt not bear false witness...

Stealing and lying. Actually these two prohibit the same kind of behavior. Dishonesty. So why not take those two commandments and combine them into:

Thou shalt not be dishonest...

And suddenly your down to five. And as long as we're combining I have two more that would go together.

Thou shalt not commit adultry...

Thou shalt not covet thy neighbors wife...

Once again, these two prohibit the same kind of behavior. Marital infedelity. The difference is that coveting takes place in the mind, and I don't think you should outlaw fantasising about someone elses wife, otherwise whats a guy gonna think about when he's waxing his carrot? But marital infedelity is a good idea, so we're going to call this one:

Thou shalt not be unfaithful...

But now that you think about it, honesty and fidelity are really part of the same overall value. So in truth, you could combine the honesty comandments with the fidelity comandments and give them positive language instead of negative and call it:

Thou shall always be honest and faithful...

And we're down to three.

Thou shalt not covet thy neighbors goods...

This one's just plain stupid. Coveting thy neighbors goods is what keeps the economy going! You'r neightbor gets an armor-piercing heat-seeking anti-air personal missile launcher... you want one too! Coveting thy neighbors goods creates jobs, leave it alone. Toss that one out and we've only got two. The big honesty and fidelity commandment and:

Thou shalt not kill...

Murder. But when you think about it, religion never had a really big problem with murder. More people have been killed in the name of god than for any other reason! All you ahve to do is look at Northern Ireland, the Middle East, Kashmir, the Inquisition, the Crusades and 9/11 to get a good idea of how seriously they take 'Thou shalt not kill...'. The more devout they are, the more they see murder as being negotiable.

So, with all of this in mind, I leave you with my revised lsit of the Two Commandments.

Thou shalt always be honest and faithful to the provider of thy nookie...

Thou shalt try real hard not to kill anyone, unless ofcourse they pray to a different invisible man in the sky than you pray to...

Two is all you need, Moses could have carried them down the hill in his *censored*ing pocket,a nd if they had a list like that i wouldn't mind those folks in Alabama putting it up on the courthouse wall. As logn as they include one adittional commandment:

Thou shalt keep thy religion to thyself!
Re: Things That Really Piss Me Off
Post by TTEchidna on Jul 15th, 2006, 03:15am

Dude, you should get a TV show. People would actually pay money to hear you.

I know I'd go to it.
Re: Things That Really Piss Me Off
Post by Lithe on Jul 15th, 2006, 03:26am

Heh, I wouldn't know that I had a fanbase from the lack of different posters.
Re: Things That Really Piss Me Off
Post by ih8u2 on Jul 15th, 2006, 10:42am

Your funny, dude. Keep it up. I don't even agree with half of what you say, but I have respect for these well done rants.
Re: Things That Really Piss Me Off
Post by Lithe on Jul 16th, 2006, 3:51pm

*clapping in the background*

"And now, a message from the President of the United states."

"Tonight I want to take a few minutes to discuss a great threat to peace.

The dictator who is assembling the world's most dangerous weapons... Is here in our own country.

He is the homicidal dictator who is addicted to Weapons of Mass Destruction.

He has proven he is capable of any crime.

That tyrant is me.

I have recieved directions from the Administration...

To support the use of violence against all of you.

I will kill thousands...


Hundreds of thousands of innocent people in our country, and across the world.

I resolve to bring sudden terror and suffering, with horrible poisons, diseases and gasses.

Men and women...

Boys and girls...

Thousands of civillians...

Will be killed in a single day.

Murdered at random...

And without remorse.

My ultimate ambitions are to control the peoples of the United States, and to blackmail the rest of the world with Weapons of mass terror...

Weapons of Mass Destruction...


Weapons... Of...

*several gunshots*

Mass... Destruction..."

Re: Things That Really Piss Me Off
Post by Lithe on Jul 17th, 2006, 02:25am

Sorry about that... Anyway, with Diane gone and that presidential note out of the way, I can finally begin working on a new rant Expect one to come within the next week if i'm not busy.
Re: Things That Really Piss Me Off
Post by Lithe on Jul 23rd, 2006, 1:03pm

Well, I love words, I thank you for hearing my words, I wish to tell you something about words that I think is important. Thoguh I say they're my work, they're my play... Words are all we have really. There are some people that aren't into ALL the words, there are some poeple who would have you not use certain words... There are four-hundred thousand words in the english language... And there are seven of them that you cant say on television... What a ratio that is.

Three hundred and ninety-nine thousand, nine hundred and ninety three... To seven They must reeeeeeally be bad. They'd have to be outrageous to be seperated from a group that large! Thats what they told you they were, "Thats a bad word!" *cry* ... There ar eno bad words! Bad thoughts, bad intentions, and words. You know the seven that you can't say on television, dont you? *censored*piss*censored**censored*Censored suckermother*censored*ernitits eh?

... Those are the heavy seven. Those are the ones that'll infect your soul... Curve your spine... And prevent the country from winning the wars... *censored*piss*censored**censored*Censored suckermother*censored*erntits wow...

You can understand why some of them are there... I mean im not completely insensitive to peoples feelings. I can dig why some of those words got on the list... Like... Censored sucker and mother*censored*er... Those are... Those are heavyweight words... Theres alot goin' on there man... besides the literal translaton and the emotional impact, ther just busy words. Theres alot of syllables to contendw with, and those regressive Ks, they kinda jump out at you.

Now we mentioned sh*t earlier ofcourse, two other four-letter anglosaxon words are piss and *censored* which go together ofcourse but forget that... A little accidental humor there... Well the reason that piss and *censored* are on the list is that a long time ago, certain ladies said "Those are the two i'm not going to say! I don't midn *censored* and sh*t but P and C are out!" ... Which lead to such stupid sentences as "Okay you *censored*ers im going to tinkle now!"

And ofcourse the word *censored* *sigh*... Ironic though, it is the beginning of life and yet we use the word to hurt each other quite often. Much wiser men than I have said "I would rather have my son watch a film with two people making love than two people trying to kill one another." And I ofcouse can agree, it's a great sentiment, I wish I knew who said it first and I agree with that, but just to show a point, I want to replace the word "kill" with the word "*censored*" in all the action movie cliche's we grew up with. "Okay sherrif we're gonna *censored* ya now... But we're gonna *censored* ya slow!"

However, there are two way words. The ones mentioned above are the ones you can NEVER say on television under ANY circumstance. You can just never say them EVER EVER EVER, not even clinically, you can't weave them in on the pannel with Doc and Ed and Johnny I mean it's just impossible... But there are twoway words! Those double-meaning words. Remember the ones you giggled at in sixth grade?

And the Censored crowed three times, "Ya the Censored crowed three times yeeeeeh! It's in the Bible yeeeheheeeeh!" Like it's okay for Kurt Goudy to say "Roberto Climenti has two balls en ummm..." But he can't say, "I think he hurt is balls on that play Tony, don't you? He's holding them, it must be pretty bad..." And the other two-way word that goes with that one is prick. It's okay if it happens to your finger! You can prick your finger, but don't finger your prick, no no!

When I started running through all the cattegories of dirty words, I realized there are more ways to describe filthy words than there are filthy words. Seemed curious to me. I found an awful lot of ways to reffer to them. I called them, bad language, dirty, filthy, foul, vile, vulgar, coarse, unseemly, in poor taste, street language, locker room talk, gutter talk, barracks langauge, nauhgty, saucy, boady, raunchy, rude, lude, lacidious, indecent, profane, obscene, off-color, risky, suggestive, cursing, cussing, swearing... All I could think of was *censored*piss*censored**censored*Censored suckermother*censored*erntits man...
Re: Things That Really Piss Me Off
Post by SparxShooter on Jul 24th, 2006, 04:04am

You have the coolest, funniest, most vulgar opinions ever! grin
Re: Things That Really Piss Me Off
Post by Lithe on Jul 24th, 2006, 06:42am

Thank you.

That's my political humor. People like it when you'r topical.

Some people wouldnt want me to talk like that. Some people would like to shut me up for saying those things, lots of people! Lots of groups in this country want to tell you how to talk. Tell us what we can and can't say.

There is a different grup to get pissed off at you in this country for everything you'r not supposed to say. Can't say fruit, can't say *censored*, can't say queer, can't say nancy-boy, can't say pansy. Can't say n!gger, boogie, jig, jigaboo, skinhead, junglebuny, mulenjan, schvatsa. Can't say yid, heeb, zeeb, kike, moche', dego, guinea, wap, ginzo, greaser, grease-ball, spick, be@ner, oije', tiger, PR, mick, donkey, turkey, limey, frog, square-head, kraut, jerry, hun, chink, jap, nip, slope, slope-head, zip, zipper-head, gook...

There is absolutely nothing wrong with any of these words in and of themselves! They're only words! Its the context that counts. It's the user! It's the intention behind the words that makes them good or bad! The words are completely neutral! The words are innocent! I get tired of people talking about bad words and bad language! Bull*censored*! It's the context that makes them good or bad!

For instance, take the word n!gger. There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with the word n!gger in and of itself! It's the racist *censored* who's using it that you should be concerned with! We don't care if Gary Coleman or Eddie Murphy say it! Why? Because we know their not racist. Context! We don't mind their context becuase we know they're black! Hey, I know im whitey the blue-eyed devil pattio fake grey-boy honkey muthafuka myself! Don' bother Censored! They're only words! You can't be afraid of words that speak the truth. Even if it's an unpleasent truth like the fact that theres a bigot and a racist in every living room and street corner in this country.

I don't like words that hide the truth. I don't like euphamisms. And modern american language is LOADED with euphamisms. because Americans have alot of trouble dealing with reality. Americans have trouble facing the truth. So they invent a kindof soft language to protect themselves from it, and it gets worse with every generation! I'll give you an example. There is a condition in combat, most people know about it, it's when a fighting persons nervous system is stressed to it's absolute limit and has either snapped or is about to snap. In the first world war, that condition was called Shellshock. Straight-forward simple, direct and honest language. Shellshock. Two syllables. Sounds almost like the guns themselves. That was almost a hundred years ago.

Then a whole generation went by, the second world war came along and the very same combat condition was called Battle Fatigue. Four syllables now. Takes a little longer to say, dosent seem to hurt as much. Fatigue is a nicer word than shock. Shellshock! Battle Fatigue. Then we had the war in Korea, 1950... Madison avenue was riding high by that point, and the exact same combat condition was called 'Operational Exhaustion'. Hey, we're up to eight syllables now! And the humanity has been completely squeezed out of the phraze! 'Operational Exhaustion' sounds like something that might happen to your car!

Then ofcourse came the war in Vietnam which has been over for only about twenty to thirty years, and thanks to the lies and deciets surrounding that war, I guess its no surprise that the very same condition was called 'Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder'... Still eight syllables but we've added a hyphen! And the pain is completely buried under jargon. 'Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder'. I'll bet you that if, back then, the condition was still called shellshock, some of the veterans would have gotten the medical attention they needed at the time.

But, it didn't happen. And the reason is because of that soft language. It just takes the life out of life! Another example would be that, some time during my life, toilet paper became 'Bathroom Tissue'. I wasn't notified of this. Nobody asked if I agreed. it just happened. Toilet paper became 'Bathroom Tissue'. Sneakers became 'Running Shoes'. False teeth became 'Dental Appliances'. Medicine became 'Medication'. Information became 'Directory Assistance'. The dump became 'The Landfill'. Car crashes became 'Automobile Accidents'. Partly clloudy became 'Partly Sunny'. Motels became 'Motor Lodges'. House trailers became 'Mobile Homes'. Used cars became 'Previously owned Transportation'. Room service became 'Guestroom Dining'. And constapation became 'Occasional Irregularity'.

When I was younger, if I got sick they wanted me to go to a hospital and see a doctor. Now they want me to go to a health maintenance organization or a wellness centre and consult a healthcare specialist. Poor people used to live in slums. Now the economically disadvantaged occupy substandard housing in the inner-cities. And their BROKE! They're BROKE! They don't have 'A negative cashflow position.' They're *censored*IN' BROKE! Because alot of them were fired. Y'know fired? Management wanted to curtail redundencies in the human resources department, so many people are no longer viable members of the workforce?

Smug, greedy, well-fed white people have invented a language to conceal their sins, it's as simple as that. The CIA dosen't kill anyone anymore, they 'Neutralize' people, or they 'Depopulate the Area'. The government dosen't lie, it 'Engages in Disinformation.' The Pentagon actually measures nuclear radiation in something they call, 'Sunshine Units'. Isreli murderers are called 'Commandos'. Arab commandos are called 'Terrorists'. Contract killers are called 'Freedom Fighters'. Well, if Crime Fighters fight crime and Fire Fighters fight fire, what do Freedom Fighters fight? They never mention that to you!

And some of this is just stupid. Like on the airlines, the announcement would ask you to 'Pre-Board'. I wrote a bit about this before... What the hell does thta mean? You get on before you get on!? They say, "We would like to pre-board those passengers in need of special assistance." ... CRIPPLES! Simple, honest, direct language! There's no shame attatched to the word cripple that I can find in any dictionary! It's even used in the bible! "Jesus healed the cripple..." dDoes it take seven words to discribe that condition!? but we don't ahve any more cripples int his country anymore, we have, 'The Physically Challenged!' There! Is that a grotesque enough evasion for you!? How about, 'Differently Abled?' I've heard them called that, 'Differently Abled!' You can't even call the handicapped anymore! They'll say, "We're not handicapped! We're handicapable!" ... >.<

These poor people have been bull*censored*ted by the systm into believing that if you change the name of the disorder, you'll change the disorder! Dosen't happen!

We have no more deaf people in this country, only the 'Hearing Impaired'. No one's blind anymore, only 'Partially Sighted' or 'Visually Impaired'. We have no more stupid people, only individuals with 'Learning Disorders', or 'Minimally Exceptional.' How would you like to be told that about your child? "He's minimally exceptional." "Oh thank God for that, I thought he was an idiot." Psychologists have actually started calling ugly people, 'Those with Severe Appearance Defficits'. Infact, it's getting so bad that any day now I expect to hear a rape victim reffered to as an 'Unwilling Sperm Recipient'!

Also, there are no more old people! We shipped them all away and replaced them with, 'Senior Citizens'. Isn't that a typical twentieth century American phrase? but I've come to terms with that one, I realize that it's here to stay. But the one I still do resist is when a guy looks at a old person and says, "Eh, look at him Dan. He's ninety years young!"

Wha-!? Imagine the fear of ageing that reveals! To not even be able to use the word old to describe someone! To have to use an antonym! And fear of ageing is natural, it's universal isn't it? No one wants to get old, no one wants to die, but we do! So we bull*censored* ourselves! I reckon i'll start bull*censored*ting myself when I get into my fourties. Look into a mirror and say to myself, "Hmm... Looks like im getting... older!" Older dosent sound as bad as old, even sounds like it'll last longer! Bull*censored*, Im getting old! And it's okay! Becuase thanks to our fear of death in this country, I won't have to die... I'll pass away! Or i'll expire like a magazine subscription! If it happens at the hospital, they'll call it a 'Terminal Episode'. The insurance company will refer to it as 'Negative Patiant Care Outcome'. And if it's the result of malpractice they'll say it was a 'Theraputic Misadventure'...

I tell ya, some of this langauge makes me want to vomit... Well... Maybe not vomit... Makes me want to engage in a 'Involuntary Personal Protien Spill!'
Re: Things That Really Piss Me Off
Post by Emerald Wang on Jul 24th, 2006, 11:54am

Wahahahah! That was Awsome!
Re: Things That Really Piss Me Off
Post by TTEchidna on Jul 26th, 2006, 03:30am

I have to say, you're really hitting the nail on the head there.
Re: Things That Really Piss Me Off
Post by Lithe on Jul 26th, 2006, 03:42am

Thanks. Any ideas for my next rant?
Re: Things That Really Piss Me Off
Post by ih8u2 on Jul 26th, 2006, 06:49am

on Jul 24th, 2006, 06:42am, Lithe wrote:
Thank you.

Smug, greedy, well-fed white people have invented a language to conceal their sins, it's as simple as that. The CIA dosen't kill anyone anymore, they 'Neutralize' people, or they 'Depopulate the Area'. The government dosen't lie, it 'Engages in Disinformation.' The Pentagon actually measures nuclear radiation in something they call, 'Sunshine Units'. Isreli murderers are called 'Commandos'. Arab commandos are called 'Terrorists'. Contract killers are called 'Freedom Fighters'. Well, if Crime Fighters fight crime and Fire Fighters fight fire, what do Freedom Fighters fight? They never mention that to you!

I like your rants. Good point, good point. As for the n!gger thing, I don't care if a black person says it to me or calls me that, I do not like that word and never will.
Re: Things That Really Piss Me Off
Post by Lithe on Jul 26th, 2006, 09:01am

Thanks. Yeah, well those words don't really mean anythign unless used in a specific situation. Why, iwhbydbtdbmotf might be a racial slur referring to people named Johnson for all you know. This one's for you CharlesFrost.
Re: Things That Really Piss Me Off
Post by Lithe on Jul 28th, 2006, 12:06pm

Now, as you may have noticed, in these rants I don't really talk much about me. It's usually certain problems with society that has me excessing over. But, this time, I would like to adress a problem that I find almost hilariously common in American society.


You heard me right.

This is going to be a touchy subject for all you potheads out there. Those Censored ing bastards who are moving to 'Legalize Medicinal Marihuana'. I'll tell you now, these people don't give two Censored s about the medicinal benifits of medical marihuana. They just want to get high and not get bothered by the cops! That's all there is! Don't let them fool you!

And im getting sick and tired of this "Blablabla blablabla marihuana. And did you know that they can make jeans out of hemp? Very durable clothing can be made out of hemp!" Yeah, and it feels like Censored in' burlap you dumbass! Who the hell wants to walk around in something that feels like a potato sack!? You might, I don't.

And when they interview the head of these organizations, who is usually a hackeysack-playing dumbass with beady red eyes, lying through his teeth and giggling like an idiot. "It's a ligitemate form of medicine." Yeah, great. Just what our healthcare system needs. Broke potheads running to every Censored ing hospital they see trying to get free medicinal marihuana paid for by the taxpayers so they can get high because they came up with some Censored ing stupid dumbass fake disease. "My eye hurts! Gimme some pot doc!" Okay, ya know what you do? Light up a joint, and put it out in your eye. That's my prescribed use of medicinal marihuana.

I'm sick and tired of people saying, "Well, it relieves stress!" You people are the worst! One, your weak-willed. Two, your Censored ing pathetic. Oh I had a stressful day so I gotta have some pot! Gimme a Censored ing break! You people just can't deal with reality, and that's your problem. I don't give two Censored s if you "Had a Stressful Day". Big deal! The rest of the world had a stressful day. It's called life. Deal with it. And then they try to throw that Censored back at you. "Well im sure you got some addictions. Probably caffene!" Oh, right. So I have a cup of coffee and suddenly i'm a Censored ing addict! Oh yeah, cream-cheese too! Gettin' high on the creamcheese!

And as long as we're on drugs, lets move on up to the crackheads and all these other motherCensored ers who need to deal with a foreign substance just to get through the day. This is the problem with society. Everyone needs a quick fix. Why don't these people just say, 'Okay, this is life. Life is not enjoyable. Fine, I had a stressful day. Why don't I just go home and sleep? No! I gotta whip out the crack and do six lines!' Nice. I hope you people get shot in the head in a drug bust that went wrong! Want a stressful day? Try having a bullet removed from your head! Now THAT is stressful!
Re: Things That Really Piss Me Off
Post by HorseRiderPDX on Jul 30th, 2006, 1:13pm

cheesy Man that's some cool ranting Lithe! smiley smiley
Re: Things That Really Piss Me Off
Post by SparxShooter on Jul 30th, 2006, 3:00pm

laughthats so hilarious!!! laugh laugh
Re: Things That Really Piss Me Off
Post by Corsai on Jul 30th, 2006, 4:13pm

heh. Good job. Its funny because its true.
Re: Things That Really Piss Me Off
Post by TheLegendOfEloraTheDarkKnight on Mar 30th, 2009, 1:58pm

I rant on most R&C fans. Most of them support Rachet X Sasha instead of Rachet X you-know-who. Like my Cynder problem to Spyro. angry shocked rolleyes tongue wink
Re: Things That Really Piss Me Off
Post by Trainer Spyro on Mar 31st, 2009, 12:25pm

he really knew how to go at it. Sheesh. And I thought I complained a lot. Too bad I don't have the patience to read all that. people really seem to get a grin off it and I don't have the slightest clue what it's about. Aside from something that irritates Lithe. tongue
Re: Things That Really Piss Me Off
Post by Angela Lover on Apr 6th, 2009, 04:49am

on Mar 30th, 2009, 1:58pm, Guest-TheLegendOfEloraTheDarkKnight wrote:
I rant on most R&C fans. Most of them support Rachet X Sasha instead of Rachet X you-know-who. Like my Cynder problem to Spyro. angry shocked rolleyes tongue wink

Yes, I agree.

Re: Things That Really Piss Me Off
Post by Returned TehAngelas on Sep 29th, 2009, 04:35am

Don't get TOO extreme...
Re: Things That Really Piss Me Off
Post by PKMNTrainerMay on Aug 8th, 2011, 12:58pm

Who doesn't like Angela!? *brings out RYNO II*

Lol, I kid. But I'm *bleep*ed off to no end by Angela haters. Personally, I think Angela can kick Sasha's *bleep* to the land of the lost. Then there's the may haters. I LOVED MAY. I REALLY, REALLY LOVED MAY. But HATERS, HATERS EVERYWHERE. Son of a *bleeping* *bleep*... Then there's Ash. Oh GOD, Ash. DX
Re: Things That Really Piss Me Off
Post by MeetSonic on Aug 9th, 2011, 09:10am

You really swear like hell, May.

But still, I feel the same way and wish that Cynder would come and slit her throat. *Cynder slits Sasha's throat* Well, that's my wish true. But Giovanni hasn't kicked her *Censored* to the land of the lost. *That happens* This is fun. X3