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 thread  Author  Topic: Spyro: The Ring Of Darkness  (Read 784 times)
Ember
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xx Spyro: The Ring Of Darkness
« Thread started on: Oct 22nd, 2005, 11:35am »

Click here.
« Last Edit: Nov 2nd, 2005, 9:24pm by TTEchidna » User IP Logged

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Ember
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xx Re: [Nameless Spyro Fanfic]
« Reply #1 on: Oct 25th, 2005, 11:41am »

Chapter 2 now up.
« Last Edit: Oct 28th, 2005, 05:40am by Ember » User IP Logged

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Rosy
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xx Re: Spyro: The Ring Of Darkness
« Reply #2 on: Nov 1st, 2005, 9:02pm »

Can you post a link to it that doesn't make you login?
(I don't have an account at FF.Net, and don't really want to make one.) tongue
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Ember
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xx Re: Spyro: The Ring Of Darkness
« Reply #3 on: Nov 2nd, 2005, 12:14pm »

Sorry, thats the only place that it is uploaded to.
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xx Re: Spyro: The Ring Of Darkness
« Reply #4 on: Nov 2nd, 2005, 5:45pm »

Nevermind, it works now...

It's good so far, but one thing...
In the game Flame looked just like Spyro except he was orange, so maybe you should change the sentence that says Flame, a young male dragon, who looked a lot like Red,
Unless it's a different Flame that you made as a character. tongue
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TTEchidna
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xx Re: Spyro: The Ring Of Darkness
« Reply #5 on: Nov 2nd, 2005, 9:43pm »

I fixed your link, Ember, so it links to the story itself, not just your preview of it.



Anyway, there's a few grammatical errors... You kinda don't have our friend in the posessive, the apostrophe, anywhere... It should be "Flame's" and "Spyro's." Also, quotation marks should have some punctuation at the end of them. Such as, "We should get out of here," said Spyro. Or even Ember replied uneasily, "Maybe so." The comma goes IN the quotation marks, as you see.

Also, this ran through my mind. Why is there a rhynoc mask in there, if Gnasty's the leader? Gnasty uses gnorcs; rhynocs are Grendor's or the Sorceress's minions. And just for future reference, Ripto uses riptocs. Or just Crush and Gulp, if you merely consider Spyro 2.

Oh, and this sort of thing irks me... It's might HAVE, or could HAVE. Of is a preposition, and it definitely doesn't go before a verb in the past participle.



Er, but it's still good. Didn't have the chance to put this before, since I got kicked off the computer.
« Last Edit: Nov 6th, 2005, 5:46pm by TTEchidna » User IP Logged

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xx Re: Spyro: The Ring Of Darkness
« Reply #6 on: Nov 6th, 2005, 01:10am »

Your story is interesting. Keep writing.
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xx Re: Spyro: The Ring Of Darkness
« Reply #7 on: Jul 12th, 2006, 12:01pm »

Why am I inable to read it? sadI want to read it, it sounds interesting! cheesy
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