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Lithe
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xx Things That Really Piss Me Off
« Thread started on: Jun 29th, 2006, 12:50pm »

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Warning, following passage will contain explicit text that should not be viewed by small children, people that are easily offended and ones who wish to take on a political career. This is not random whining, I want to prove a point.
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Please note that I am speaking to the standard American in general.

Ya know, i've been here all this time and I havent been complaining about anything recently so I think its about time I shared something about an issue thats been bugging me for quite some time. Believe me, I don't have pet peeves. I have major psychotic hatreds. The following is just a series of things (concerning the US government ofcourse) that are pissing me off, and I find it makes the world alot easier to sort out.

Fist thing on my list tonight, airport security. Tired of this *censored*. Theres too much of it. There is too much security at the airports. Im tired of some guy with a double digit IQ and a quadrouple digit income, rooting around in my bag for no reason and never finding anything! Haven't found a bomb yet? In anybody's bags! Haven't found ONE bomb in ONE bag!

And dont tell me "Well the terrorist know they're gonna have their bags searched so now their leaving the bombs at home." THERE ARE NO BOMBS. The whole thing is *censored*in' pointless! And, its completely without logic.

They'll take away a gun but let you keep a knife! Well what the *censored* is thathuh! In fact, there is a whole list of lethal items they will allow you to carry onboard. *lists off fingers* Theoretically, you could take a knife, an icepick, a hatchet, a straigt razor, a pair of scissors, a chainsaw, six knitting needles and a broken whiskey bottle and all they will say is "That bag has to fit all the way under the seat in front of you!"

And if you didn't bring a weapon onboard, relax. After about an hour of flying, they are going to bring you a knife and fork. They actually GIVE you a *censored*ing knife! Its only a table knife sure, but you could kill a pilot with a table knife... if you were dedicated enough to the task at hand! And let me tell you, muslim extremists don't *censored* around...

But you could get the job done! Hell, theres alot of things you can kill a guy with, you could probably beat someone to death with a copy of the Sunday New York Times! or suppose you just had really big hands? So why do they allow a guy with big powerful hands to board an air plane? Easy. They know he's not a security threat because hes already answered the "Three Big Questions".

Question #1: Did you pack you're bags yourself?

...No

Pop'n Fresh packed my bags. Him, Martha Steward and the artist formerly known as The Artist formerly known as Prince came to my house the night before the trip. They fixed me a lovely lobster newberg, gave me a full body massage with sacred oils from India, and preformed a shortened version of the boradway musical, Cats, before tiping the 12-gallon hats they wore at my adorable pet cat and then packing my bags.

Next question.

Question #2: Have you're bags been in you're posession the whole time?

...No!

Usually, the night before I travel anywhere by plane, I get my bags and leave them on the street corner unattended for several hours... Just for good luck.

Next. Question.

Question #3: Has any unknown person asked you to take anything onboard?

Hmm...What exactly is an unknown person?

Surely everyone is known to someone!? Why, just this morning I heard Chemical Ali and Saddam Hussein joking about which one of my bags was heavier. They seemed to know each other quite well. *rolls eyes*

Thats another thing they don't like at the air port. Jokes. Yeah, ya know, "You cant joke about a bomb!". Why does it have to be just jokes? How about a riddle? A limerick? Howbout a bomb anecdote? Ya'know no punchline, just a really cute story. Or suppose you intende dthe remakr, not as a joke, but as an ironic musing. Are they prepared to make that distinction? I think not.

And besides, who's to say whats funny? Airport security is a stupid idea, a waste of money and its only there for one reason. To make the coughgullible I meant good citizens of America feel safe. Thats all. The Illusion. The feeling and illusion of safety, to placate the middle class. Another one of the reasons why I hate America, folks. They do this because the authorities knoow that they can never make airplanes completely safe, too many people have access. The drug smugglers don't seem to have a hard time trafficking black-tar heroine in and out of the country, do they? No. Why? Because its all an illusion!

Even if they made all the airplanes completely safe, the terrorists would just go bomb other places that are crowded, like *censored*shops crackhouses, titty bars and gangbangs. Y'know, typical American entertainemnt venues. Face it, the chances of you getting kille dby a terrorist are practically ZERO!

Relax! Enjoy the show! You have to be a realist. You have to be realistic to whats around you. Jewish funCensored etalists, Muslim fundamentalists, Christian fundamentalists and just plain guys from Montana are going to continue to make life veeeery interesting. Armed men on combat fatigues talking to God on a two-way radio, muttering incoherent slogans about freedom are eventually gonna provide us with quite a bit of "excitement" in the near future. Especially when you're stupid *censored*in' economy crahses all around you and terrorists start coming out of the woodwork, Anthrax is in the water supply and there's Seran gas in the air conditioners and there will eb chemical and biological suitcase bombs in every city.

Surprising that this will most likely be brought about by Americans that never take a *censored*in' chance. I say enjoy what you've got because its only a matter of time before Bush with the help of Cheney and the rest of the Bush Administration to royally *censored* everything else up, but U shouldn't be blaming the regular American, they were ofcourse the ones broght up with rigid ideals and a single minded drive to "succeed" in what is actually help serve and sate the greed of you're corporate masters! I say take a *censored*ing chance!

As far as im concerned, all this airport security, all the searching, the questions, the screening, the hasstle... is jsut one more way of reducing you're liberty and reminding you that they can *censored* with you any time they want! As long as you put up with it, which of course means any time they want. That's what Americans do now. They are always willing to trade away a little freedom for the feeling, the illusion, of security. It makes me sick.
« Last Edit: Jun 30th, 2006, 2:49pm by Lithe » User IP Logged

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xx Re: My Bone To Pick With Airport Security
« Reply #1 on: Jun 29th, 2006, 3:32pm »

Although airport security is retarded and ineffective, if america announced, "we no longer have any security in our airports," we would all be dead. I think they should target suspicious people instead of the random selection thing. For every person randomly selected, twenty terrorists could get through. I don't see how that system works.
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xx Re: My Bone To Pick With Airport Security
« Reply #2 on: Jun 29th, 2006, 4:23pm »

My grandpa was actually a circuit court judge back in his younger days.

What'd they do?

They asked him to take off his shoes to make sure there weren't any bombs.


He was a public servant for years! Why would he, of all people, have bombs!?



Of course it's so the government doesn't seem racist. Pah, it already is, or at least encourages it. Look at the census, the SAT tests, all of that.

"Please tell us what you consider your race to be."

It's bull. Completely. All it's telling you to do is consider yourself not an American, but someone from somewhere else.

I was born here. I'm not "white," I'm European-American. And that's completely thrown out the window because I have Native American ancestors.

But of course, you HAVE TO FILL IT IN. The government'll keep doing it because every race fears each other. Hell, the three major ones here are constantly involved in problems because they all learn that anyone who's not like you is evil and deserves to die.


And I might sound a bit racist here, but really, if you consider yourself to be a race above what you really are-- A PERSON-- you shouldn't be here.


And sadly, the only American culture there is is the shared xenophobia.
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xx Re: My Bone To Pick With Airport Security
« Reply #3 on: Jun 29th, 2006, 5:19pm »

on Jun 29th, 2006, 4:23pm, Time Travelling Echidna wrote:
But of course, you HAVE TO FILL IT IN. The government'll keep doing it because every race fears each other. Hell, the three major ones here are constantly involved in problems because they all learn that anyone who's not like you is evil and deserves to die.


Wow, that's a little extreme. But racial profiling in airports still wouldn't end the threat. Security can't ever be perfect, so any way you slice it, security may always be a hassle.
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xx Re: My Bone To Pick With Airport Security
« Reply #4 on: Jun 30th, 2006, 06:53am »

The way I see it, every time you are exposed to advertising in America, I am reminded that the country's most profitable buisness is still the manufacture, packaging, distributiona nd marketing of bullCensored . High-quality, grade A, prime-cut, pure American bullCensored .

And the sad part is that some people believe that bullCensored only comes from certain predictable sources. Advertising, politics, salesman, lawyers... not true. BullCensored is everywhere. BullCensored is rampant! Politicians are full of Censored , teachers are full of Censored , clergymen are full of Censored , and law enforcement is full of Censored . The entire country is completely full of Censored , and always has been!

From the decleration of Independence to the constitution to the star spangled banner, it's really nothing more than a huge steaming pile of govornmental, red-white-blue all-American bullCensored !

Think of how it started! America was founded by slave owners, who told us all men are created equal... all MEN except Indians, African-americans and women. Remember the founders were a small group of unelected, all-male white land-owning slave-drivers who also, by the way, proposed that their class be the only one allowed to vote! To me, that is known as being stunningly, and embarrasingly full of Censored ... And everybody bought it. All Americans bought it.

And those same Americans continue to show their ignorance about all this nonsense with wanting politicians to be honest. What are these cretins thinking? Do they realize what they're wishing for? If honesty was suddenly introduced into American life, everything would collapse! It would destroy this country because the entire system is based on an intricately and delecately balanced web of lies. And deep down, somehow I think Americans understand this. Thats why they elected and re-elected George W. Bush, because given a choice, Americans prefer their to feel safe and not give a Censored about anyone else other than themselves!

It's the same in buisness now. Everyone know sthat buisnessmen are completely full of Censored . Just the worst, low-life criminal jerk-offs you can expect to meet. And the proof is, they don't even trust each-other! When a buisnessman sits down to negotiate with another buisnessman, the first thing he does is to assume the other guy is a complete lying prick, who's trying to Censored him out of his money, so he does everything he can do do the same to the guy hes negotiating with. And all this is done with a big smile on his face. That big, convincing, buisnessman, bullCensored smile.

Though, Ive got to tell you, in the bullCensored department a buisnessman can't hold a candle to a clergyman. Because when it comes to bullCensored , big-time major-league bullCensored , you hae to stare in awe, in AWE, at the all-ime champion of false promises and exaggerated claims, religion. (Religion in general. No belief specified.) No contest. Religion easily has the greatest bullCensored story ever told. Think about it.

Religion has actually convinced people, many of them adults, that there's an invisible man who lives in the sky and watches everythign we do, every minute of every day, and has a special list of ten things he dosen't want you to do! And if you do any of these ten things, he has a special place for you that has smoke and burning and torture and anguish where he will send you nwhen you die to scream and burn and choke and suffer for ever and ever, 'till the end of time... but he loves you! He loves you and he needs money! He always needs money. He's all-powerful, all-perfect, all-knowing and all-wise... Somehow he jsut can't handle money.

Religion takes in billions of dollars, pays no taxes, and somehow, they always need a little more. Now, you're talking about a good bullCensored story!... Holy Censored ! Oh and by the way, im an Atheist.
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xx Re: My Bone To Pick With Airport Security
« Reply #5 on: Jun 30th, 2006, 07:20am »

You take the gold for ranting, Lithe. shocked
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xx Re: Things That Really Piss Me Off
« Reply #6 on: Jun 30th, 2006, 3:56pm »

Thank you.

Now this next rant will be concerned with, once more, the airport, and the imperfectness of the English language. Needless to say, i'll be dissecting bad grammar like Minerva with a scimitar.
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*AHHEM*

What the two things stated above have in common, is while flying on the air lines, you hear the announcemements that come over the PA and try to pretend the thing you're hearing is really English.

Dosen't seem like it to me. The whole thing starts when you get to the gate. First announcement: "We would like to begin the boarding process." Extra word; process! Not necessary! Boarding is enough! We'd like to begin the boarding. Simple! Tells the story.

People add extra words when they want something to sound more important than they really are. Boarding process, sounds important... It isn't! It's just a bunch of people getting on a plane!

People like to sound important. Weathermen on television talk about "shower activity". Sounds more important that just "shower". I even heard one guy on CNN talk about a rain event! I swear to God, he said, "Louesianna is expecting a rain event!", and I thought 'Holy *censored* I hope I can get tickets to that!'

Emergency situation. People from the news like to say "The police have responded to an emergency situation!". No they haven't, they've responded to an emergency! We KNOW it's a situation! Everything is a situation! Anyway, as part of this "boarding process", they say, "We would like to pre-board." ... Well what exactly is that anyway?

What does it mean to pre-board? You get on before you get on?! Thats another complaint of mine, too much use of this pre-fix pre-! It's all over the language now! Pre-this! Pre-that! Place the turkey in a pre-heated oven! It's rediculus! There are only two states an oven can possibly exist in, HEATED OR UN-HEATED!. Pre-heated is a meaningless *censored*ing term!

It's like pre-recorded. "This programme was pre-recorded." Well OFCOURSE it was pre-recorded! When are ya gonna do it? AFTERWARDS!? That's the whole purpose of recording! To do it before-hand! Otherwise it dosen't really work, does it?! Pre-existing, pre-planning, pre-screening... You know what I tell these people!?
PRE-SUCK MY GENITAL SITUATION!!!

... And they seem to understand what i'm talking about.

Anyway, as part of this pre-boarding, they, "We would like to pre-board those passengers travelling with small children." ... Well what about those passengers travelling with large children!? Suppose you ahve a two year old with a petuitary disorder! Y'know, a six-foot infant with an oversized head?! Come to think of it, the kindof kids you see in the National Inquirer all the time.

At about this time someone is telling you to get on the plane... "Get on the plane, get on the plane!"

...

I SAY *censored* YOU, IM GETTING IN THE PLANE! IN THE PLANE! Let Evil Kinevel get ON the plane, im getting IN the plane! it seems much less windy in there!

...

<_<
>_>

They might tell you that you're on a non-stop flight... Well I don't care much for that. I insist my flight stop. Preferably at an airport. It's those unscheduled cornfield and middle-of-nowhere stops that seem to interrupt the flow of my day!

Oh boy... here's one they just made up. When two planes almost collide it's called a near-miss... IT'S A NEAR HIT! A collision is a near-miss. *HUGE*censored*INEXPLOSION* Look! They nearly missed! ... Yeah, they did... BUT NOT QUITE!

They also might tell you that you're flight has been delayed due to a change of equipment... Broken plane! And in-flight, "Sir, please move you're seat back forward." ... Well I don't bend that way! If I could put my seat back forward I'd be in p0rno movies! Then they mention carry-on luggage. First time I heard carrion I thought they would bring a dead deer on board! Why the hell do they need that!? What, don't they have those little TV dinners anymore!?

Then they keep changing the names on everything. For example, flight deck is just a new euphamism for C0CKPIT. I can't imagine why they wouldn't want to use such a colorful word such as C0CKPIT, can you? Especially since it has all those lovely stuardesses coming in and out of it all the time! There's another thing that's changed. First it was hostess, then it was stuardess and now its flight attendant. Ya know what I call 'em? "The lady on the plane." Sometimes it's a man on the plane. Okay, equallity.

Sometimes, they actually refer to these people as "Uniformed Crewmembers". Uniformed... as opposed to that fat guy sitting next to you in the "Grateful Dead" T-shirt and the "*censored* you!" hat! Who's working on his ninth little Pinha Colada I might add!
« Last Edit: Jun 30th, 2006, 11:24pm by Lithe » User IP Logged

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xx Re: Things That Really Piss Me Off
« Reply #7 on: Jun 30th, 2006, 4:28pm »

on Jun 30th, 2006, 3:56pm, Lithe wrote:
... You know what I tell these people!?
PRE-SUCK MY GENITAL SITUATION!!!

... And they seem to understand what i'm talking about.


XD! X*friggin*D! I'm sorry if this wasn't the reaction you were looking for, but your entire rant is HILARIOUS! This was just the funniest part.
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xx Re: Things That Really Piss Me Off
« Reply #8 on: Jun 30th, 2006, 11:11pm »

No, im glad some people enjoyed it. i was initially afraid someone would jump down my throat for the reasons explained at the top of the thread.
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xx Re: Things That Really Piss Me Off
« Reply #9 on: Jul 1st, 2006, 12:04am »

good. now i can laugh my head off. cheesy its a free country, say what you want, but don't go overboard, ya know. grin
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xx Re: Things That Really Piss Me Off
« Reply #10 on: Jul 14th, 2006, 09:42am »

Well, me being an American, I feel I should stop complaining and must stick up for my country once in a while. It's a sense of in-born patriotism that compells me to do so, if it is even possible in this new American culture that has no shortage of things to complain about...

So, for the next few minutes I would like to talk about the War in Iraq. So called "War on Terror". Ever since governor Bush got sworn in, Americans never left somethign they didn't like alone and hoped someone else would fix it for them. And ever since governor Bush got sworn in, people just started declaring war on stuff. Something they don't like? Declare war on it! There's the War on Terror, the War on Iraq, War on Al Quaeda, War on Freedom, War on Crime, War on P0rn and the bigest joke of them all, the War on Drugs.

So now, they finally have someone else to fix those problems for them. The Military and Law Enforcement! And from my knowledge the US Marine Corps sits in Iraq, supposedly hunting Terrorists and abusing detainees. The Law Enforcement back home seem more focused on cute girls in mini-skirts than anything else.

And speaking of war, thats all we ever do now. It's a normal part of American life now! War is now televised and nine times out of ten gets good ratings! Well? We like war! We're a warlike people! We like war because we're good at it! You know why we're good at it? Because we get alot of practice! America is only 200 years old and we've already had 10 major wars! We average a major war every 20 years in this country so we're good at it! nd it's a good thing we are, 'cause we're not good at anything else anymore!

Eh? Cant build a decent car! Can't make a TV set or a VCR worth a Censored . Got no steel industry left! Can't educate our young people! Can't get healthcare to our old people! But we can BOMB the Censored out of you'r country alright!

*Explodey noises*

Especially if you'r country is full of brown people. We like that, dont we? That's something of a hobby! That's become our new job in the world; bombing brown people! Iraq, Panama, Grenada, Libya... You got some brown people in you'r country tell 'em to WATCH THE Censored OUT! Or well Censored BOMB them!

Well when's the last white people that we bombed? Can you remember the last white... remember ANY white people?! We've ever bombed!? The Germans, those are the only ones! And that was because they were trying to cut into our action! They wanted to dominate the world! BullCensored , THATS OUR Censored IN' JOB! THATS OUR Censored IN' JOB! *More explodey noises*
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xx Re: Things That Really Piss Me Off
« Reply #11 on: Jul 14th, 2006, 12:14pm »

Wow now thats entertaining very funny Lithe! You wanna know what grinds my gears? THERE'S NO ORIGINALITY IN MOVIES ANYMORE! I'm serious! Have you noticed that everthing nowadays in movies i sjust remakes! Such as.. Freaky Friday, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, The Omen, The Amityville Horror. And here's something that really gets me pissed, They are remakeing The Texas Chainsaw Massacre! How long has it been two years!? ORIGINALITY IS DEAD!!! AHHHHH! I had to get that out of my system.
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xx Re: Things That Really Piss Me Off
« Reply #12 on: Jul 14th, 2006, 12:50pm »

Feel free to post you're own rants here. Although I have a little poem i'd like to post which should be a break form the profane rantings you have come to expect of me.

Seems the US is only there in he Middle East to "free the people so they can have industry." I think thats what they do now, do around "freeing" countries and lay a little industry on them so they can enjoy the same benefits that America has... *coughcough*

-----------------------------------------------------------

AHHEM

Oh beautiful for smoggy skies, insecticided grain,

For strip-mined mountains majesty, above the asphalt plain,

America, America, man sheds his waste on thee,

And hides the Pines with billboard sighns from sea to oily sea! *salutes with the American flag flowing in background* grin
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xx Re: Things That Really Piss Me Off
« Reply #13 on: Jul 15th, 2006, 01:30am »

Yyyyyep. That's how it is.
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xx Re: Things That Really Piss Me Off
« Reply #14 on: Jul 15th, 2006, 03:01am »

I agree Placid... King Kong, Superman... *trials off*

Anyway, I am an Atheist who supports the theory of evolution, though I was not always this way. One of the things that bugged me and eventually led to my realization would be the ten Commandments. Heres my problem: Why are there ten? You don't need ten. I think the list of Commandments was deliberately and artficially inflated to get it up to ten.

Here's what I would think as an accurate representation of what they did. About five thousand years ago, a bunch of religious and political hustlers got together to try and figure out how to controll people. How to keep them in line. They new people back then were basically stupid and would believe anything they were told, so they announced that God had given them some Commandments. Up on a mountain. When no one was around.

Let me ask you this. When they were sitting around making this sh*t up, why did they pick ten? Why not nine or eleven? Because ten sound official. ten sounds important. Ten is the basis for the decimal system. Its a psychologically satisfying number. The top ten, the ten most wanted, the ten best dressed... They knew if it was eleven people wouldn't take it seirously! "What are you kidding me? The eleven commandments!? Get the *censored* out of here!" So having ten commandments was actually a marketing decision! And to me its clearly a bullsh*t list, its a political doccument artificially infated to sell better. Im going to show you how you can reduce the number of commandments and come up with a list thats a little more workable and logical.

We're going to start with the first three, and i'll use the Roman Catholic version becuase it was the one I was brought up with...

I am the lord thy god thou shall not have strange gods before me...

Thou shall not take the name of the lord thy god in vain...

Thou shalt keep holy this sabath...

Right off the bat. The first three, complete bullsh*t! Strange gods, lords name, sabath day. Spooky language designed to scare and control primitive peoples. In no way does superstitions nonsense like this apply to the lvies of intellegent civilized humans in the twenty-first century. Throw out the first three and you'r down to seven. Next...

Thou shall honor thy father and mother...

Obedience. Respect for authority. Just another name for controlling people. The truth is, obedience and respect should be earned, not automatic and shoudl be based on the parents preformance. Some parents deserve respect, most of them dont... You'r down to six.

Now, in the interest of logic, something religion is very uncomfortable with, we're going to jump around the list a little bit.

Thou shalt not steal...

Thou shalt not bear false witness...

Stealing and lying. Actually these two prohibit the same kind of behavior. Dishonesty. So why not take those two commandments and combine them into:

Thou shalt not be dishonest...

And suddenly your down to five. And as long as we're combining I have two more that would go together.

Thou shalt not commit adultry...

Thou shalt not covet thy neighbors wife...

Once again, these two prohibit the same kind of behavior. Marital infedelity. The difference is that coveting takes place in the mind, and I don't think you should outlaw fantasising about someone elses wife, otherwise whats a guy gonna think about when he's waxing his carrot? But marital infedelity is a good idea, so we're going to call this one:

Thou shalt not be unfaithful...

But now that you think about it, honesty and fidelity are really part of the same overall value. So in truth, you could combine the honesty comandments with the fidelity comandments and give them positive language instead of negative and call it:

Thou shall always be honest and faithful...

And we're down to three.

Thou shalt not covet thy neighbors goods...

This one's just plain stupid. Coveting thy neighbors goods is what keeps the economy going! You'r neightbor gets an armor-piercing heat-seeking anti-air personal missile launcher... you want one too! Coveting thy neighbors goods creates jobs, leave it alone. Toss that one out and we've only got two. The big honesty and fidelity commandment and:

Thou shalt not kill...

Murder. But when you think about it, religion never had a really big problem with murder. More people have been killed in the name of god than for any other reason! All you ahve to do is look at Northern Ireland, the Middle East, Kashmir, the Inquisition, the Crusades and 9/11 to get a good idea of how seriously they take 'Thou shalt not kill...'. The more devout they are, the more they see murder as being negotiable.

So, with all of this in mind, I leave you with my revised lsit of the Two Commandments.

Thou shalt always be honest and faithful to the provider of thy nookie...

Thou shalt try real hard not to kill anyone, unless ofcourse they pray to a different invisible man in the sky than you pray to...

Two is all you need, Moses could have carried them down the hill in his *censored*ing pocket,a nd if they had a list like that i wouldn't mind those folks in Alabama putting it up on the courthouse wall. As logn as they include one adittional commandment:

Thou shalt keep thy religion to thyself!
« Last Edit: Jul 15th, 2006, 03:06am by Lithe » User IP Logged

-Rule 23: Never say no to bacta. -Scorch, Star Wars Republic Commandos

-Rule 36: If you post here, you're cool... unless you're another Censored flamer. -Lithe, SFA Boards
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